you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
