there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
