dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
