That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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