What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
