People in love make me want to vomit
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
