I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
