So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
