So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
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