We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
