If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
