The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
