his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
