if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
