oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
