i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
