Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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