There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
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