Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
