So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
