is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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