If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize