All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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