We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
