Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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