When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
