So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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