You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
