The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize