I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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