What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
no, he came in my armpit
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
