Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
