You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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