So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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