I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
