I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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