In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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