i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
