woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
