I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
