Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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