I think I won the penis lottery.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
