every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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