Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
