I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
