kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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