dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
