i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
