cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She even gives head with a lisp.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
