We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
