Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
