If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
