Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
