i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
