When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
