You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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