Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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