Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
