I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
