if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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