It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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