Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
