i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
