No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
