You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
