no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
