I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize