It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
