you mean i was at the winter classic?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
