I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
