Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
