I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
