i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
